Hey there and welcome back to Ella Writes! I hope today's blog helps you to stop overthinking everything and realize that it is possible to change your mindset.
I've always thought of myself as an overthinker, but this year I noticed myself analyzing everything even more than before. And when it comes to social media and texting, being someone who cares deeply and thinks about things a lot, I began to notice how much I was really worrying about things that didn't even matter that much.
I'm going to give you some examples of ways I overthink, and then share how I'm learning to stop overthinking in those situations.
Texting
I've always seen people online refer to being "left on read" as something bad, so in my mind it became something I was afraid of.
I stopped texting certain people simply because I knew there was a possibility of them leaving me on read. Reaching out to people in general became something that I didn't want to do in fear that I wouldn't get a response.
I don't remember ever being so worried about not getting a response. Something about this year really shaped my mind to be constantly thinking about who did response, and who still has yet to respond, or even who never responded at all.
Part of me feeling how I feel about read receipts might have to do with being a podcast host. I dm people on Instagram that I don't know sometimes asking if they want to be a guest on my podcast, and often I get left on seen or don't get a response.
My mindset lately has been "oh, she didn't respond until days later- I bet she doesn't want to be my friend." Or even, "she read my message and didn't say anything- she definitely hates me."
I began to feel a deep sense of hurt from people that I thought were my best friends because I realized just how many times I either wasn't getting a response, or how long I was having to wait for a response.
I've always thought that the reason we have the option to text people is the fact that it's a quick & easy thing. You send someone a text, and they respond. But it didn't take long for me to realize that that's not always the case when it comes to getting in contact with people.
The technology we have today is meant to make life more convenient, so why do I feel like a burden trying to reach out? Why do I feel like no one has time to talk or that no one wants to talk? Why do we leave people hanging and not think about how that makes them feel?
It makes sense that people are busy, and there are reasons that some don't often answer right away. However, in my mind if someone doesn't have time to send me a quick text, they must hate me.
I began to stereotype people based on their response time. I would only text the people that I knew would answer quickly, and if I knew someone might not answer for days, I would avoid reaching out to them. When I did reach out to someone who didn't always respond in hopes to make plans with them to hang out, I would constantly think about the fact that they hadn't answered me yet.
"They didn't respond, oh well. I guess they don't want to hear from me."
I began to wonder why I put so much effort into friendships with people who couldn't even give me a simple response.
Social Media
Growing up, I didn't have social media. The only apps I really used were YouTube & Pinterest when it came to entertainment.
At first, I wasn't really allowed to have social media, and there also wasn't a reason for me too. As I got older, though, things changed.
As I began to write books and start my own podcast, I realized that I couldn't just create something without having an audience. I wanted people to read the books I wrote. I wanted people to listen to the podcast episodes I posted.
I didn't want to start something and have no one know about it.
So one day, my friend reached out and asked if she could create an Instagram account for my podcast. This was right at the beginning when I first started posting episodes, and I still did not have any social media of my own.
My friend started a podcast Instagram for me and I would send her things to post every week when I dropped a new episode. It was really nice because she was in charge of posting things and all I had to do was make my episodes and send her content to promote.
One day, I decided I was curious about who was liking my posts and who was following my account. So I downloaded Instagram for the first time, and took over the account. I wanted to be able to see who was interacting with my content, and taking the time to listen to the episodes I was creating.
Looking back, I'm really grateful to my friend for helping me start an Instagram account to promote my posts. Sometimes I wish I never got involved in posting things because the moment I downloaded Instagram, my focus changed.
I was no longer just recording episodes and sending her something to post. I was also looking at the amount of people who were following me, and paying attention to who was actually interacting and liking my posts.
And as my follower count grew, I started to pay more attention to who wasn't liking my posts, and who wasn't commenting on them instead of who was.
I got so caught up on the stats that I was constantly thinking about who was unfollowing me, and who was following me, but wasn't interacting with my content.
To be fair, the reason I started a podcast and became involved with social media was because I wanted to spread a positive light in this dark world and give people some encouragement. I wanted to share God's Word and remind people never to give up. But it didn't take long for me to forget the reason I started, and start thinking about if there was any reason to keep going.
I've been releasing podcast episodes every Thursday since January of 2021. I have 15 seasons of my podcast out now, with each season containing 10 episodes.
I've been doing my podcast for four years and I only have a maximum listener count of 6 right now. I have yet to surpass 100 listens on an episode.
It's easy to get caught up in the statistics of the things you're doing and forget the reason you started in the first place.
I'm grateful for the people who take the time to listen to my podcast, but it doesn't stop me from wishing more people did.
Those are just two examples of ways I overthink on a daily basis, but it doesn't stop there. I also completely overanalyze the way people talk to me, or even sometimes the things they say. I'm constantly thinking about situations that I've been through, how I reacted to them, and why I wish I hadn't done or said something.
I constantly find myself wishing I had been thinking about words that came out of my mouth before I said them.
I wish I could say that I know the cure to overthinking, but I don't.
All I know is that last night I realized I didn't have to be an overthinker. I say that I am so people will know that I'm going to be overthinking anything they say, or anything they don't say. I want people to understand how my mind works, and how deeply I care about those around me and their opinions of me.
But I realized last night that no one is ever going to understand how my brain works. We only understand how we feel. People do not always focus on the way they effect those around them, or the thoughts running through someone else's head.
We often get diagnosed with anxiety and learn that that's what we are. Constantly anxious and constantly worried.
But last night, after I found myself wanting to run back to God and let His peace wash over me yet again, a thought popped into my head.
"You don't have to be an overthinker."
As soon as those words were revealed to me, I knew that as true as that statement could be, it wasn't going to be easy. Nothing is easy when you have a certain angel of death whispering in your ear every chance he gets.
But, it is possible.
I've been calling myself an overthinker for as long as I can remember. I'm sensitive and I think a lot. I know that you to do sometimes. Or maybe you do all the time.
What if I told you that you don't have to be an overthinker?
As humans we are capable of speaking death or life over ourselves. It is because of the way we mold and shape our thoughts that we are constantly speaking down on ourselves. Or constantly feeling like we're not good enough.
Satan may have the power to whisper in your ear a whole bunch of lies, but it's up to you to decide whether or not you believe them. All he has to do is plant the seed, just like he planted the seed to Eve in the Garden of Eden.
All he has to do is tell you you're not good enough. After that it's up to you to believe it. To let those words sink in. To believe those words and let them rule your life.
If you stop telling yourself that someone hates you just because they read your message and didn't respond, you'll start to realize that this whole time you've been telling yourself that being left on read is bad. That just because someone can't take one minute to respond means they never want to speak to you again.
It doesn't. There can be cases when being left on read means someone really doesn't care to talk to you. But there are also instances with people you thought were your best friends where there is a reasonable explanation to why they haven't responded.
And being the girl I am, I've let Satan whisper lies in my ear for years. I've let him make me think all of the most ridiculous things when it comes to texting, follower counts, who isn't interacting, and so much more.
It took me a long time to realize that I've been letting myself be an overthinker because I thought it wasn't possible to be anything else.
"Overthinker" is just a word.
"Overthinker" doesn't have to be me.
It's only me if I make it me.
I'm only an overthinker if I let things bother me. If I keep analyzing things that don't need to be analyzed.
In some people's minds, it's no big deal to leave you on read. In mine, it is.
But it doesn't have to be.
I don't have to let the words of a certain snake define me.
I don't have to be an overthinker.
I can simply be a girl who knows that sometimes my friends are busy, sometimes my friend forget to respond, and sometimes they simply just don't want to talk to me.
It's time to break the cycle of overthinking every situation just because you can.
It's time to start filling your mind with other things.
Stop wasting your time sulking because you didn't get a response. Because you don't have thirteen thousand people liking your Instagram posts.
Start living your life.
Start doing the things you love.
Stop caring so much about things that don't need to matter.
Accept that not everyone is going to respond, and move on.
Accept that not everyone is going to care about the things you're doing, and move on.
Be okay with your follower count going down.
Focus on the reason you're a creator, and the reason why you do what you do, and let that be the only thing you think about.
Life is too short to be wasted on caring about people that don't could care less. Or on worrying about who is making an effort to hang out with you, and who isn't.
There are so many more things you can be thinking about.
Think about the things that make you happy, not the things that are causing you to rot in bed all day or doom scroll on social media because you're sad.
Life your life, and let others live theirs.
Not everyone is going to understand your brain. Not everyone is going to care about what you're doing. Not everyone is going to make an effort. You're not always going to understand what other people do.
It's your job to be you.
It's not your job to be anyone but you.
So stop letting other people's decisions impact yours. Stop telling yourself you're an overthinker and accepting it.
Change your mindset.
Remember why you love life.
Remember who you are.
And just breathe because God's got you.
You're not an overthinker unless you tell yourself that you are.
I didn't know I had that much to write...
That felt so good.
I really hope you're encouraged and I really hope you got the picture.
This has nothing to do with manifesting your mindset, but everything to do with trusting God and making your mindset what it needs to be instead of what you're letting it be.
Thank you for reading, and check out The Quoted Podcast for more honest rants about things we're probably both struggling with. ~Ella (:
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